some things remain constant.

It's been nearly a year and I still can't believe you're gone.

Today was a great day and I was in a great mood. It doesn't take much to bring me back to thoughts of you. I thought back to your funeral and I reduced to tears... again. I don't know if there will be a day when I can think back on it all and remain un-phased.

Dammit, I miss you so much it's ridiculous.

void.

tear it down
rip it down
build me up again,
the way i was supposed to be
to begin with.
where did i go
wrong
why am i so
different
separate from the rest?
i don't want to blend in
i don't want to conform;
i just want to be happy

can happy
ever stick?

my happiness is
like a melting stick of butter
hard to grasp
easily dissipating

TEAR ME DOWN,
take out the problem.
take away
the bad

how can i be loved
when i can't love myself
when i can't accept myself

...everyday


make me strong
make me brave
make me something more
something bigger

show me.

the dust is falling off
the sand is sliding through my fingers
water is slipping from the leaves
time is running from us
or are we running with it?

falling
falling
everything seems to fall.

fail
fail
everyone seems to fail
...sometimes.

nothing is definite.
everything is changing.

i like it.
i hate it.
i accept it.
i reject it.

i'm not the last, i'm not the first.
i'm not the best, i'm not the worst.

everything is so scattered.
help me pick up the pieces.

we are
the pieces.

I'm not dreaming, so...

...I'll remember my twisted dreams from previous nights. It's hard to explain them because 1, they're weird, and 2, I won't name any names.


Why were you in my dream? I never spoke to you in my life. We were in a restaurant. At some point, you turned into someone else who I do actually talk to. We were at the table, and we were laughing at something together and I was thinking to myself, "wow, we're SO alike!" Then your sister walked by and I was worried that she would be mad; she wasn't. At some point, I went in the back of the restaurant. There was a bicycle on the floor, and for some odd reason, I had to cut up an octopus. I was utterly disgusted, but I cut it up. I guess someone wanted to eat it.

That's all I remember of that one. Well, that's all I'll actually admit to. hah..


I thought I could remember other ones, but I can't remember any at the moment.