drowning

i'm reaching for something
that's not there
never has been there.

i'm reaching for you
out for you,
nowhere to be found
in the sea of lies and regret
and sweet words
and the false words crawling
off of your tongue
running over your curling lips
smiling at me now;

i never wanted this
baby
don't.

we're falling apart,
just
let
it
go.

the undertow is much
much too strong
for even the strongest of the strong.

especially in the world
of discarded love.

torn

my heart is on my sleeve
but my sleeve is quite tattered.
I'm losing heart
every time a single thread
falls off and hits the cold ground
covered in memories and regret.
hearts like these
can only be obtained by being
stolen.

desire plagues these lips,
loneliness masks these eyes.
an arctic chill has taken up residence
in my nearly vacant chest.
look closer, my dear;
my heart has left me
because it is much more fond of
you.

you are distant and vague
very very
vague.
your identity is unknown to me
completely.
one fact I know for certain -
once I find you
and you find me
my mask will disappear.

I am not
all ice
stone
or bitter

I am just a bit
different,
you see.

stuck

x Why am I here? What is all this?

y Don't ask me questions; Just have a seat and wait. You'll get use to this.

x No, thank you... I don't want to get use to this. I want you to answer me and show me the door.

y Why don't you just go out the same way you came in? You know how to leave; You just don't want to.

x You're very bold for saying that, you know. I do not know how to leave, or else I wouldn't be talking to you.

y Stop with all of this. Don't make me tell you again to have a seat right over there. Maybe read a magazine to kill some time.

x Can you please get me someone to talk to? I really need some answers and I need them soon. I do not want to stay here with these people.

z Hello? You wanted the answers, kid?

x Yes! Thank you, thank you. Can I start now?

z You may. But be warned - You won't like all of my answers. You may have to search deeper.

x Who are all of these people and why are there so many here? They don't seem as worried as I am.

z They're not worried at all; I don't even think they can see you yet. They are all of the people you have ever come in contact with, whether you remember each one or not.

x Am I dead?

z Oh, goodness, no.

x Can you tell me what this is and why I am so lost?

z You hold the answers within you, I can't stress that enough. You are not lost.

x And her, over there... Why is she the only one who isn't moving around?

z Let me see here... Oh, her. That's you. Sort of.

x I thought you were supposed to help me? You're only confusing me more. How is that me? I'm right here, with you.

z Do you know this for sure?

x No.

z Exactly. But, you are, indeed, here with me. She is another form of you, let's say. She one side of you that you have never seen before. That is why you didn't recognize her. But she was there all along.

x If I am not dead, and this does not seem like reality... then what is this?

z This is the realm of dreams. It's reality, yet another realm of it. You and I, talking here... this is real, correct? That makes this a certain shade of reality. Nobody ever said that there was solely one reality. Even the world bends rules.

x So... I'm dreaming all of this?

z Not exactly. You are sort of stuck in an 'in-between.' You're not sleeping. Or daydreaming. But you're still here...

x What's that supposed to mean? Why did your tone change, just then?

z Nobody really knows how you're still here. Yet. We're still working on that.

x Does this mean I can never leave?

z We're not sure. But hey, it's not so bad here.

x I can't stay in this room with all these people forever! Show me the door and let me leave!

z Lower your voice please, we're trying to help you. We can't show you the door because you're the only one who can see your own door. So, if you're capable of leaving, you're the only one who would know.

x I don't see ANY door. No exit... anywhere.

z Are you sure?

x Stop asking me that. I'm not sure of anything.

lost in the land of dreams

I'm determined to write a book someday.

Chapter one

You asked me what death was like; I told you I would tell you when I found the answer. If you’re reading this then you are still looking for the answer. If so, I fatefully found it before you did.
It started with a book and it ended with a book – this book I give to you… and the first book? That’s what triggered everything.



(In progress, I'm not done with this.)